Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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