Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
