It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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