Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This baby is an asshole
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
