I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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