Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
