We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
