Already got asked if we're dating
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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