Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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