i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
