He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
