How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
