i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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