I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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