i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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