I skipped work to stalk him.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
