I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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