This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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