I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
