i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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