Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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