My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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