Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
