I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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