Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
