Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
