Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
