I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
