Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
