I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
