I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
