fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my poor anus
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Couch. On fire.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
