My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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