I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
