Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
