You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
