you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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