I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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