i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
