Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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