Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
