Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
