She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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