mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
