dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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