??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
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Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
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Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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