Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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