Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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