one might say we're banned from that church
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
