Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
