Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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