Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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