He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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