I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
