airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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