new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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