Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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