I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
