I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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