Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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